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Feb. 27th, 2013

mincing mockingbird

i do it to myself.

neighborhood 3. status: closed. what i learned: lots. nothing that i want to share here.

suitcase. status: closed, with option to use the piece i made for my own. maybe i will stretch it out later. what i learned: lots, and i could share it here, but it's nothing surprising. i am happy with the results and got out of it exactly what i needed to.

off book. status: performed. i like a good challenge. what i learned: people are awesome.


remember when i was doing the 44 gallery and making a fringe show and i said never two shows at once again and then jumped on another show the day after closing and then january and february came and i was assistant directing a show and making another show during my cranny times and was all like, i'm taking a break and i'm never doing that again? and guess who's about to take on a one-act festival while developing her own traveling theatre and then immediately jumping on coordinating musical talent for her company's summer show while getting ready to participate in the making of not one but possibly three different fringe shows and then planning on jumping in feet first on her company's fall show while getting ready to direct again? currently booked a year out. how did that happen?

i have a full time job and friends and family, promise.

i remember sleeping.

for now, i am getting rid of some craft items and glorying in the power of raw, grab-n-eat foods. how is it already march? oh yeah. february's short. still.

and i was thinking of taking up crochet. what a silly ninny.

some day i will be sitting around and stitching and complaining about not having enough theatre to do. gotta soak it up now.

Jan. 25th, 2013

mincing mockingbird

next day with free time: february 15

watching movies
working out
organizing embroidery floss
paring down/cleaning out
modifying clothing
computer repair/replacement
eye doctor
writing proposals
learning the dulcimer
playing alto recorder and mandolin
making tasty foods
going to shows

burnout setting in. must create light or the tunnel will close. starting march, i am taking a break.

Jan. 24th, 2013

mincing mockingbird

dumping disappointment here so i can move on for the day.

i just lost an artist on my next project and i kind of want to kick things. i had the perfect cast and now i have to find a replacement that fits this group and it's hard. i'm so afraid that i'm going to get my grant and that everyone will be too busy to finish the project and i'll be the only one of the grantees that fails.

however. i am starting. i am making it go. nothing worth having is easy. and if it all works out in the end, it will be worth it. i promise.

Jan. 23rd, 2013

mincing mockingbird

when you live so hard even death cannot kill you.

i was catching up on some magazines the other day and read a list of entertainers that died in 2012. some people--like whitney houston or andy griffith--had big write ups. then there was just a list of names and dates. i skimmed them, and the name davy jones stuck like a hook in my eye.

after a bit, i was able to remember talking about his death with a co-worker when it happened, so i know that this was not new information to me. but in the moment i read his name, it felt new, and i had that sharp intake, and that pain.

you see, for some reason, my mind is like a wonky computer that will accept the line of code, but cannot compute it. davy jones not being in the world seems wrong. contradictory. improbable. he wasn't even my very favorite monkee, mike was. and i would probably pass by mention of mike's name in the obituaries and not be surprised. but for some reason, the cheesy energy box of davy jones still exists somewhere in the world and i cannot erase him from my registry of living inhabitants.

just the morning upon re-reading his name, i was struck by "girl, look what you've done to me. me. and my whole world" singing through my head in the shower. i didn't question it, shower time is random "remember this!?" time. i figured i would have to excise the earworm by going back to my room and looking it up on youtube. by the time i got dried off and toothbrushed and back to my room, i forgot.

and then that night, there he was in the dead list. and i was shocked and dismayed all over again. not a great sorrow, just a bewilderment in my mind that it refuses to sink in.

so live on, davy jones. if it means i can picture you touring state fairs and acting like the teen idol you no longer are, i will gladly lose arguments and trivia challenges because my brains will not admit the truth.

Jan. 15th, 2013

mincing mockingbird

bigger on the inside.

i tend to get on here and talk about how i'm busy a lot. that is not that post. i only mention it because i realize that it is in my busiest times that i daydream a lot. i don't really meditate and i know i should probably do that. i should have some downtime. but i think my mind retaliates by using my sleeping time to just...not do anything. which is why i don't seem to have exciting enough dreams to remember. and then to make up for it, i drift away to dreamworlds in my waking life.

oh, i create whole stories for myself. i was--like all kids--pretty effing imaginative. but i never really grew out of that like everyone else seemed to. i can be put in a room without anything but a wall to stare at and entertain myself really effing well. i am never bored, either at home or out at a party with failed conversation. i think it must be like any other muscle--physical or mental--the imagination muscle. use it enough and it's quite effortless whenever needed.

and gods, i love being told a story. so my brain has me there. "stop working for a while. slow the fuck down. no? well then i'm going to tell you a story. thaaaat's right. just sit quietly and watch. excellent."

but neither do i allow myself to live in dreams. oh no. life is too exciting for that. i have good friends and a wonderful boy who is nice to me and i do things that keep me happy and fulfilled and the world is full of really fascinating and beautiful stuff. i like living very much.

but sometimes it would be nice if i could bend the laws of physics to be able to control wind or breed unicorns. or if you could just travel to interesting time periods or fictional settings like middle earth. and sometimes it's nice to be someone else for a while. the internet is good for all of that. but my mind goes faster.

not growing up. not never.

Jan. 10th, 2013

mincing mockingbird

something very strange happened to me last night.

carin and wade and i were talking about doctors and inoculations. wade mentioned that he knew he had had the full regimen when he was a baby because he had the scar to prove it. how odd, i remarked. usually people our age in america don't really have inoculation scars. carin has one on her shoulder, but she was a baby in saudi arabia. and i remember seeing scars on the shoulder of every woman in a tank top in korea. i figured it was something the u.s. had perfected in the 70s.

and then it happened. wade pulled up his pant leg, and showed us his scar on the inside of his ankle. just a brown dot, the size of a pencil end eraser.

and my jaw dropped. *I* have an identical mole on my ankle. at least...i always thought it was a mole. my only mole.

now, it may not seem like the biggest deal in the world, mistaking an inoculation scar for a mole. but it is when it's on your own body... a body you've known for 36 years, every flaw and freckle and non-symmetrical quirk... it's weird to learn anything new about a trusted landmark. this dot you've had on your ankle all your life, which you've kept an eye on just in case it changes shape or gets scaly...after 36 years is no longer anything to think about. at all. in fact, it is now proof of your middle-class upbringing, the mark of an era. it also signifies that you were born with almost flawless skin, since you have no other spots other than a freckle or two. and that's a fucking weird thing to realize too.

i mean, what's next? if i wake up tomorrow and find out my boobs have always been bagpipes, i'm going to be mad that i wasted so much time.

Jan. 8th, 2013

mincing mockingbird

i feel gross. i need a time shower.

i have been treating myself horribly. taking on too many projects, eating like a douche, not letting my ankle heal (yes, 4 weeks after spraining my ankle, i still cannot go without wrapping it and i still cannot point my toe). i look in the mirror and i'm all pale and gross. i've been living off fast food because it's what's fast--obviously--and the thought of making a lunch and dinner to take with me for my days of toil just seems like more effort than i want to handle.

my head is pounding. dehydration and back knots and not getting adequate sleep will do this.

there's a show i really want to audition for that goes up in the spring. it's a fun show with a director i want to work with. there's no guaranteeing i'd get in...but i don't even think i should chance it. because i'd never turn it down if i did. i'm working on two shows at once right now, and it's really hard. once they both go into performance, february will let up a bit. but i'm starting up another project in the spring and i've applied for fringe. although i probably won't be involved in pro rata's summer show, i'm sure i'll be doing something artsy for it. on top of all of this, i will be moving. and going out of state for a wedding. and my sister is birthing another person. AGAIN.

i think i need to have some break time. i think i need to learn to recognize when i need some break time. i think it might be nice that i can get to a place where i'm working enough that i can actually have too much happening and should be planning break time.

remember when i used to embroider and learn a bunch of instruments and read and shit? sigh. january's just starting. but. it will be worth it. in the end, both shows will have been worth it.

now. off to mcdonalds.

Dec. 24th, 2012

mincing mockingbird

the 2012 amber awards.

all the awards come from what i experienced in the year, so if there are any movies, books or else that come from previous years, you can suck it, for the amber awards are about the things i experienced for the first time this year in top five form.

5. tucker and dale vs. evil
4. the avengers
3. the woman in black
2. moonrise kingdom
1. the hobbit

TV. (must have completed in 2012)
5. louie: season 1
4. downton abbey: season 1
3. sherlock: season 1
2. doctor who: season 6
1. sherlock: season 2

BOOKS. (i'm cheating a little. sue me.)
5. room by emma donoghue
4. the age of miracles by karen walker thomas
3. TIE: the girl who circumnavigated fairyland in a ship of her own making AND the girl who fell beneath fairyland and led the revels there by catherynne m. valente
2. TIE: the magicians AND the magician king by lev grossman
1. the night circus by erin mortgenstern

5. "a cause des garcons" - yelle
4. "firework" - katy perry
3. "somebody that i used to know" - gotye
2. "swell window" - zee avi
1."call me maybe" - carly rae jepsen

5. sneak thief - the international league of diamond thieves
4. candide - four humors
3. the mysterious disappearance of the second youngest sister - RE|Dance group
2. dance money grind - MOVE
1. ash land - transatlantic love affair

5. spring awakening - u of m / latte da
4. the oresteia project - hamline university / sandbox
3. compleat female stage beauty - walking shadow
2. flesh and the desert - workhaus
1. servant of two masters - yale/guthrie

5. five fifths of the princess bride
4. jon ferguson's clown
3. birds of passage
2. t bone n weasel
1. lovers & executioners
mincing mockingbird

the year in review.

it's that time again. i always like this post. it's been a bit more exciting than last year, and a bit more satisfying.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?

directed a full-length production. produced a fringe show. entered a chili-making competition. participated in a dance performance. wore a massive purple wig and kissed noe's face off. backed kickstarter projects. took a clown workshop/auditioned for ferguson. watched cash cab.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

i didn't make any. i probably won't make any this year. i can already see what my life holds in store for the next few months....possibly into the summer. just accomplishing those things in way that i can be proud of myself will be good enough.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

laura had a little girl. miss shiny penny of the woods. it is time to invest in princess dresses and fairy wings...for myself. i need to be a respectable fairy godmother.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

no. robert left us, but i haven't been in a show with him in years. and of course, carin's dad flew off into his next life; i know him through carin's adoration of him and that is formidable.

5. What countries did you visit?

skyrim. and middle earth. and a few other good places through entertainment means.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?

i would like a cuddle date with a red panda, same as last year. this answer refuses to change until i get one. i would also like to pay off my school loan for good and be debt free for the first time in my life.

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

opening night of t bone n weasel. closing night of lovers & executioners. five fifths of the princess bride. the arrival of the shiny penny. the week i read the night circus.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

birds of passage. t bone n weasel. and constance.

9. What was your biggest failure?

spraining my ankle during clown workshop.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

see number 9.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

hammer dulcimer. no, i haven't learned to play it yet.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

derek and sarah for being unconditionally encouraging and supportive. the board of pro rata for the same reasons.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

there were a couple of friends that disappointed me and dropped the ball, but not anyone who did anything truly horrible. i suppose i must mention the sandy hook massacre guy. anyone that shoots children is a monster.

14. Where did most of your money go?

fringe and school loan.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

t bone. fringe. skyrim. clowning. L&E.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

"call me maybe" by...i don't know her name. but i like the song.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? same
b) thinner or fatter? same.
c) richer or poorer? same.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

working out. stitching. playing instruments.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

being on the internet at home.

20. How will you be spending Christmas 2012?

downhome with my folks and my sister and my 4 awesome nephews. same as last year.

21. How will you be spending New Years 2012?

i'm not sure. derek may or may not be home by then, and happy MN may or may not have another merry happy new year show. i would be just fine staying home, frankly.

22. Did you fall in love in 2012?

i stayed in love.

23. How many one-night stands?

same answer every year: zero.

24. What was your favourite TV program?

doctor who. the walking dead. downton abbey. sherlock. master chef.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?


26. What was the best book you read?

the night circus.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

i didn't really get into much new music this year. but i do like glasser's album.

28. What did you want and get?

i finally got to direct t bone. a fringe success. constance.

29. What did you want and not get?

red panda.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

it was by no means the best film of the year, but i'm going to say that the hobbit was my favorite, because it was the one i was looking forward to above all others, and i enjoyed my return to middle earth.

31. What did you do on your birthday?

i called my dad (it was father's day), attended 4 fringe producer workshops, and megan's wedding reception. i believe derek took me out for sushi a week later, but for the most part, i didn't really get a birfday this year.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

having a computer that didn't break all the time. and maybe like, 4 extra months in the year when i wasn't doing much.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

skirts and tights at work, low-neck t-shirts and jeans on off-hours. lots of yoga pants and rehearsal gear.

34. What kept you sane?


35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

RDJ! fancy!!!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

the marriage amendment.

37. Who did you miss?

laura. marta. michelle. david.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

it seems like i always meet a million people. this year's hall of fame: theo langason, neal skoy, brian o'neal, josh swantz (technically, i knew him before, but this year's activities put him on my list), jeff larson, jon ferguson, andi cheney, alex hathaway, lauren anderson, andrew pudas, tim cameron, suzy kohane, david darrow, alyssa stafne, amy bouthilette, jennie caweles, and mike the fringe tech. OH!!!! also!!! heather meyer, kelsey meyer, dan and nancy linden, corrinna troth, ursula bowden, and, of course, the incomparable tony rydberg.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.

if others aren't providing you with a way to create, do it yourself.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

do you know that there's still a chance for you
'cause there's a spark in you
you just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
just own the night like the 4th of july.

Dec. 4th, 2012

mincing mockingbird

ow. ehnnnn. eh. eh. ow.

this is why i am sore.

1. i am 36 years old.
2. i am taking a clowning workshop.

this is pretty much all that is necessary to know. i could add that i'm way out of shape and i live a mostly sedentary lifestyle thanks to my job. but really, this workshop is kicking my ass.

it's only been a day. i have 9 more left. give me until wednesday and i'm sure i will feel better.

things i am looking forward to: learning more, and using this as an opportunity to re-start my workouts again. this last bit is key, because things in my body are starting to malfunction and i need to understand that time does not go backward and now is the time my body stops being the one helping me...i must be the one to help IT.

meanwhile, so happy to be getting back to clown. (we are talking simple clown, not circus clown.) there are a few things i think every actor should learn on top of their regular retinue, and clown and improv are up there. clown just strips everything down, abolishes fear of making mistakes (and teaches you how to learn by allowing yourself to make them), and strengthens your connection with the audience: you learn what they like, and they see themselves in you. it's not forceful, it's not "clowny," it's just a bright and honest openness. any role can be enhanced by it, because it is the very essence of being a real, wonder-filled human, unafraid of judgement and welcoming to those watching. it's why luverne was the iago we hated but wanted to be friends with in othello, and it's why tim hellendrung won us over in sneak thief, and it's why we all cried for mr. boban. it's beautiful. and it's easy if you let it be.

well, easy as a technique. painful if you're in your mid-thirties and have fallen off the workout wagon. ug.

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